Hari ke-24: The man of my dreams

“For my first love, What I’m dreamin’ of,  When I go to bed, When I lay my head upon my pillow, Don’t know what to do ..”
That’s exactly how i feel each time i had a dream about you, I just don’t know what to do, I can’t contact you and tell you that you’ve invaded my dreams and that you constantly in my head and in my heart, you’re always there, bugging me.
Boy, I know you’re in Bali right now from the photos in your facebook, looking fine and haven’t changed at all, just like when we were younger…and i know right away a perfect song to describe it
“Every time I think of you, I get a shot right through…Into a bolt of blue” - Frente
Yes, i always think of you, yes I still love you and missing you but i can’t say if you feel the same way as I do. The differences between us were a big issue when we were in high school but i think it’s an excuse now that we’ve grown up and i was wrong, we’ve changed..afterall.
I’ve loved you since we were 5 years old, when we were playing hide and seek. I’ve loved you even more when we first went to junior high, spent alot of time talking and joking on the balcony of our own houses, I’m glad that we were neighbors, I’ve loved you so much it hurts when your parents didn’t permit you to have a girlfriend from a different religion and social class but we’ve loved secretly, we held hands when we went to the same high school, we were cowards. 
That’s what we are, i realized now that all the excuses we made, you went away and sailed around the world just to avoid your fate of being pre-arranged marriage, I was hurt and married someone else, we were just two cowards who can’t fight hard enough for our love, what does it say for us then? maybe we’re just not meant to be and never will be.
Now, even after all these years, we’re still connected to each other, I’d like to think that when I had a dream about you, you’re thinking of me, sometimes you messaged in facebook me to ask if i was allright and i was surprised coz I had a dream about you the night before, is it really possible? have you ever dream about me too or is it only me? GOD knows…
One thing for sure, that you’re the only man that filled my dreams…whether I like it or not or want it or not. Time is running out for you, stop running away and accept your fate just as I have accepted mine, don’t sail away again, stay in Jakarta or Bali but I hope when your parents found a girl for you to marry, I hope that day I stop dreaming of you.

Your Past,
S


(oleh @nonahujan_)